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You and your buddy might both be tops, or you might be a side. Or maybe you just don’t have time to prepare for penetration - and we get it. That shouldn’t stop you from making a connection when the moment hits. "Our bodies’ natural bacterial balance can easily be thrown off by the foreign bacteria lodged in the crevices of toys or food," Switzer says. You don’t get to know whether you’re making a mistake by opening up the relationship, or by keeping it closed. Some couples break up over nonmonogamy, others over monogamy, and still more over issues that had nothing to do with the relationship structure.

And don’t limit yourself to only considering the toys marketed as couples toys. As Engle says, "Any toy can be used as a couples toy," so it may be helpful to expand beyond the mindset of products that put an emphasis on use during penetration only. Or perhaps you might want to start out with something as simple as a massage oil candle rather than motorized toys. Ultimately, of course, communication is key to figuring out what you’re both comfortable with—and the type of products that you’ll each derive the most pleasure from. The Eva is marketed as a couples vibrator, since it can securely stay in place during intercourse. Customers note that getting the hang of its use with a partner may take some trial and error, but rave about the power this one packs for its size, particularly at the highest of its three settings.

If you are the first time, we feel your struggle